I want to discuss two issues that I've become increasingly concerned with over my short tenure as a teacher. They are interrelated and one is often the precursor for the other. These issues are Helicopter Parents and how their behaviors can not only affect their children, but how in an effort to protect their children parents can become bullies.
The internet is full of articles on how to protect children from bullies and there are a few articles discussing bullying in the work force, but very little attention is placed on another type of bullying that occurs in schools and that is the bullying of teachers by parents. In fact in searching the web only two articles come to light and neither is from the US (Australia is actually conducting research into the phenomenon.)
So how does this happen, why does this happen and what can we do about this? From personal experience I have had parents so involved in their students lives and so driven to ensure their child's academic success that their actions have bordered on harassment. Constant e-mails questioning every grade, demanding special privileges, even trying to cover for a child who was caught cheating, and overt threats of legal action are all experiences I've witnessed and unfortunately dealt with at some level. Many of my peers have had it far worse. In a effort to protect their children these helicopter parents have taken extreme measures to ensure their success plowing down any obstacle in their child’s way - even if that obstacle is another parent, child, or teacher. And all of this amounts to Bullying and– let’s call it what it is!
I am not saying that being involved in your child’s school work is a bad thing. Quite the opposite a family who takes an active and engaged part of their children's lives helps to create strong learners, but what I am saying is that there is a line and too often it can be crossed when parents go from being involved to hovering and micromanaging every aspect of their children's lives. Instead of letting children learn from mistakes and develop necessary problem solving skills they threaten, bully and connive to ensure their children do not know disappointment. In an article by CNN (linked to below) the author suggests that this creates an attitude of entitlement amongst school children. Interestingly enough the article goes on to say that if these children witness their parent's tendency to bully others as a means to an end they will develop the same skill denying these children the necessary negotiating skills that will assist them in their adult lives. Unfortunately the wakeup call for many of these parents and their children will arrive when they go to college or the workforce - but is this too late to teach children to become self sufficient?
And what of the effect this behavior has on the teachers who are forced to deal with helicopter parents? The time, attention and emotional stress of managing a micromanager can be exhausting. The retention rate of teachers new to the profession is embarrassingly low, how much of this is caused by helicopter parents and their impossible demands?
So how do we stop this or at least mitigate the damage? I don't have a good answer; sometimes working with parents’ requests only causes the propellers to accelerate and the demands to become more impossible. Remaining consistent, firm and open has seemed to help, as has ensuring administrators and guidance counselors are up to speed with the situation. Also documentation of events and contacts can be a great safety net in case things get truly nasty.
A recent Washington Post article discusses how certain schools have banned parents from the building and administrators refuse to meet with those parents who have been deemed too difficult to work with. I would be interested to know where these schools are and how the administrators have managed this. I applaud those who have been able to take a hard line against this harassment - and that is exactly what it is, harassment. If anyone has any great ideas or success stories please let me know! This is an overdue conversation and developing coping strategies and a plan of attack is essential to the profession unless we want to see parents coming to school with their students to protect them from every little bump in the hallway or difficulty in the classroom!
"How to Ground a Helicopter Parent" - CNN
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/08/13/helicopter.parents/index.html
"In Defense of Helicopter Parents" - NT Times
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/04/in-defense-of-helicopter-parents/
"Putting Parents in their Place: Outside Class" - Washington Post
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/20/AR2006032001167.html
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so true rhonda... i know my mom has told me many horror stories about this. one parent was continually harassing a teacher about nonsensical things in her district. she was sending ridiculous amounts of emails, and some boredered on the edge of threatening. my mom met with the teacher, the parent, and her husband. it turns out the husband had no idea what she was doing and started reaming her out in front of my mom and the teacher. the parent ceased harrassment of the teacher after that!
ReplyDeletei agree--my dad who deals with students at the collegiate level (the kids that don't know what to do with their lives, major, career end up in his office). a lot of students cannot write well, barely understand basic things and are ready to have their parents come rescue them. no matter where it starts, it has to end sometime--if it ends at "college time" then that's a rough time to learn the ropes for yourself; and more frequently--it's not ending in college...so what, is your mom going to line up a job interview for you and wait outside the door there?! life hurts sometimes but kids, when they learn from it, make it easier "down the road"...
ReplyDeleteAh, the "wealthy" helicopter parent syndrome. Their money can buy anything including their children the right grades. I told my mom about the troubles you have had with helicpoter parents and she looked at me like the world has gone insane. I just told her that teaching is like going into combat these days, except without the combat pay to boot. As to your friend Harrka who posted, apparently the answer is "Yes, parents do come with their children to job interviews." There was an article in the local newpaper on that subject just a few years ago.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is that in todays society, self sufficiency has gone the way of the dinosaurs. We don't push earning what you get, but load kids up with a sense of entitlement. It's not about the common good, but about the self, and nothing else. The Greatest Generation was called so because they learned from failure, they pick themselves up and were better off for it. Parents too often want the world to be rosey, without pains and dissapointment. They tend to want to believe that their kid is perfect, that they always fail to see that sometimes, they lie out of fear of failure, lack of personal responsibility, which is unfortunately learned from their parents or primary influences. When parents can step back and realize that they can best serve their children by working with teachers, instead of trying to manipulate the situation.
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone for your responses. I think we all agree that this negatively affects our children, and justly have a fear for the furture. But what about the teachers or coaches who have to deal with the out of control parents? These young men and women are not that far removed and grew up during the time of no lose soccor games and second chance learning. Everyone is a winner, until they aren't. How does this help anyone?
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